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Am I The Only Person Who Has To Make New Year’s Resolutions Every Day?

April 15, 2010

Today is always a new day. I have to remind myself of this at the end of distracted periods. Just because I failed to achieve yesterday doesn’t mean I’ll fail today. It is spring. The cherries are in blossom. A perfect time to climb back on the horse (Sometimes I hate the horse.)  as regards personal goals.

Today I have simple plans. They are:

  • To complete the full spiritual regimen that I SHOULD be doing daily but I’m just NOT.
  • To publish a blog post (ticks that one off the list)
  • To knit a significant amount on one of my projects.
  • To cut the grass.
  • To tidy the garden.
  • To clean the house.
  • To sort out my banking (tempted to use the powers of fire or witchcraft, but will probably use the power of filing)
  • To call the large Yarn company and see if I’ve got a job there.

Oh what, wait… I didn’t tell you all I might be getting a job with a large yarn shop? Selling quality yarn and teaching people to knit? I passed over that? I didn’t tell you that people might want to give me MONEY  for something that would make me so happy I’d vomit glitter every morning? No? I passed over that? Oh… oops. My bad.

I’m having my second interview sometime this month. I’ve very excited.

All the other stuff is simple to do. So I’ll do it. I’m a pro-active animal sewn together from the pro-active parts of other animals and brought back to life with the power of enthusiasm.


A Controversial Opinion:

March 29, 2010

Please look at the following:


What links all these images? Is it Masculinity? I think so. But what gives these men their masculinity? YES! It is their tights! Mantyhose cause machismo.

Which leads me to question what it was about my outfit that caused people to react so rudely…

Designers I’d like to steal from: Qasimi

March 18, 2010

Just a short post today. I’ve got pressing non-internet business to attend to.

This week, in true Fast Show style, I have been mostly looking at Qasimi’s Menswear for this season. Though relatively new, the label has been making a serious impression at the various fashion weeks.

Their website is not particularly well set up for linking. But if you go to the top left hand corner and click Ss10 (pour Homme, obviously) you’ll get delights such as this:

I love their interpretation of the waistline. I love all of the tailoring. I love, beyond what is reasonable, how many midriffs they expose.

This collection comprises the MOST BEAUTIFUL clothes on earth right now. I was born to wear these things.

But, in the absence of a sugar momma/daddy, I’ll have to stick with this hobo chic thing I’ve got going on.

Schubert is my Diazepam

March 16, 2010

Thank the Lord for classical music. I’m listening, again, to Schubert’s “Im Walde“. I heard it for the first time on Sunday. I am, off the back of this piece, wondering whether to buy a gramophone. The rumbling piano noises would sound EPIC through one of those old school gramophones.

Buying a turntable-y type thing would also give me an excuse to buy the 7” of Dan le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip’s “Beat That My Heart Skipped”. It includes my favourite line of spoken word poetry in the world; “Good God damn and other such phrases, I haven’t heard a beat like this in ages” certainly beats “I love you like a fat kid loves cake”.

But why, you may ask, the sudden retreat into the world of music. Well, other than the inherent beauty of both these tracks, it’s because the world is scary. There is war. There is famine. There is man’s inhumanity to man. But mostly, there’s this:

My sick shawl awaits medical treatment

Not sure what you are seeing? Look again. Specifically, look at the place where the needles are meant to be.Exposing the wound...

This is my punishment for hubris! Last night, as I knitted row after soothing row of stocking stitch, I decided I’d like to jazz up the garter stitch edge of the shawl with a feather-and-fan lace. Foolish!

Arrogantly I got out my calculator, found the formula for calculating stitch number at ridge rows (24r – 1, if you’re interested), and translated that into a variation of feather-and-fan. I began knitting.

Something that is mentioned in the pattern is the HUGE rows you have to knit towards the end. Imagine then, if you can, my dismay at finding my lace stitch was one stitch out of alignment. Of the almost 1000 stitches I’d knitted into the border, one was incorrect. I cried.

But imagine, even more, my dismay when the lovely new bamboo needle I was knitting off was smashed. That’s right. The needle holding all of those precarious stitches was destroyed. Splintered. Put out of service.

At this point (aka The Point of Despair) I decided the lace wasn’t salvageable. I threaded in an emergency line 250 stitches long, which isn’t fun when your hand is already cramping,  and frogged back about 1,250 stitches.

Now, in the safe light of morning, I’m calmer about it. I just need to pick up the stitches on a nice pair of circulars and get on with it. Weeping about it won’t get it done.

As a plus, sort of,  I noticed that the shawl was far, far too small to start on the edging. I needed maybe 10 more pattern repeats. Is that the silver lining? I suspect that it’s all I’m getting.

But hey ho. It’s a lovely day outside. My chickens are frollicking with my rabbits. My ducks are swimming in the pond. I’ve still got my youth.

And, as a plus, we have music:

Distraction, Simplicity And Other Excuses For Joy

March 10, 2010

I have heard before that distraction is a mark of creativity. Whilst this is almost certainly one o those lies that artists tell themselves to excuse their very human foibles, I’m choosing to believe it for the next ten minutes. If distraction IS a mark of creativity then the day I’ve just lived proves that I am THE MOST creative person on the planet Earth.

The week preceding it, thank God, was slightly less unfocused. I applied for three jobs, did some design work and sorted out my life generally. What I didn’t do was make any progress, of any sort, on my “project” knitting. The octopus, the pants, the octopant and various sweaters and vests remain in the same state of non-existence they were in ten days ago. Not a good look.

The reason? I found some red yarn. Intoxicating red yarn. Regular readers will recognise this as a weakness of mine.

The yarn is King Cole’s Bamboo Cotton. It is soft, luminous and deep. They’ve just released a new palette of difficult, ambiguous colours. My favourite. The petrol coloured teal is on my wish list. This deep, arterial red makes my fingers giddy.

Regular readers of my blog will  also know that this pattern is another weakness of mine. A free pattern from the unfeasibly handsome Steven West, Boneyard has become a favourite of mine. It’s simplicity makes it suitable for complete beginners (I have, in fact, recommended it to my newly taught little brother. Hi Josh!), but at the same time, it’s good design.

Mr. West has managed to reduce a shawl down to its barest essentials. There is a name for this pared down fusion of form and function; it is elegance. My as yet unfinished attempt looks like this:

Interested parties may also like to know that Mr. West majored in Dance. Handsome, successful combination knitter/dancers scare me. It’s like I’ve been playing solitaire all my life only to find that actually we had been playing poker and someone else has already won.

In other news. I just came back from Anglesea and I’ve been offered a room there (yes, yes, I know- another place to add to the growing list) and someone called me wise in public.

My Sins:

February 22, 2010

Mea Culpa! I have been a bad, bad man! I’ve not blogged for far too long and I’ve let other, non-knitting concerns distract me from my projects.

But! I do have achievements to crow over. Firstly, I’ve de-stashed.  My room used to contain a pink silicone horse feeder full of cheap acrylic DK and pastel 2-ply (euch). I’ve salvaged the best and most expensive yarn (not always the same thing) and gifted/dumped the rest onto a burgeoniing knitter down the road.

In a slightly more duplicitous move, I’ve donated all my spare or mismatched needles. I’m using the sudden lack of needles as an excuse to buy myself some lovely bamboo ones.  Not what the government intended my benefits to cover, I’m sure, but whatever.

Secondly, I’ve almost finished my Octopus Bag.  I’m sending the first half of the bagtopus pattern out to the test knitters today and the prototype should be with it’s new owner very soon. Here are some advanced previews of my first draft.

Bagtopus politely doesn't mention how untidy my room is.

Bagtopus admires the window and curses the god who made him with only two legs.

Thirdly, I’ve almost finished my first free pattern, a pair off 4-ply st-st briefs that I’ve had to develop as I work out the pattern for the tentacle-porn Octopants I mentioned in the last post. I’ve arranged the photographer for March. So expect indecency.

My plans for the coming week are pretty simple. I’m going to sort out housing (I’m being made homeless, not fun) and benefits, apply for some jobs (if I can find any) and knit some journal/bible covers for the books in my bag. I’m also helping my friend Kate get onto Facebook. Hi Kate!

All simple, hopefully all pleasent. PEACE OUT!

New Year = New Panties

February 8, 2010

Sorry all for the long delay. As always, my personal life has caused DRAMA, and distracted me from the more important things in life i.e. knitting. The Octopus Bag is almost complete, and I will be looking for test knitters by the end of next week.  Hit up the comments if you have a good camera and a desire to knit a sinister, octopus shaped satchel/rucksack. It’s in chunky, so it unlikely to drain your life massively.

The next,  frankly beautiful,  idea I’m going to try and realise is based on this erotic woodcut:

I’m knitting underwear. With suckers and creepy octopus eyes. I will be inventing, in one daring move, the concept of *tentacle lingerie*. The pattern will be suitable for both men and women.