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Things I Hate: Lawn Strimmers

April 19, 2010

I try not to be hateful. As a rule, I try to see both sides of every argument. Hell, I try and see more than “both”. I search for third and fourth options. My head is a space very open to dialogue.

But some things are evil. Some things are cancerous. Some things do not deserve the benefit of the doubt.

I. Hate. Lawnstrimmers.

It’s not their shape. Nor their design. I can completely understand the joy of large dangerous phallic symbols. I am pro-motorcycle. When my parents voiced a desire to buy a sit-on lawnmower, I could sympathise the desire for something metallic, buzzing and reductive between their thighs.

It’s not the enviromental impact of the fuel. That can be dealt with using bio-fuels.

It’s not the noise. I like making noise.

What I hate about lawn strimmers is the worldview they espouse. It scares me and it angers me. I get that people need to cut the grass. Maybe your children need somewhere to play football. Maybe you are trying to grow meadow-flowers, so regular strimming is needed. Cutting the grass is a morally defendable act.

Is there any functional reason why bases of your trees and fences need to be denuded life? Any reason at all? No. There’s not.  It’s an aesthetic choice. The choice to silence nature. To turn meadows into lawns. To make wildness into subservience. It’s the choice to replace the rapturous yelling of dandelions with the neutered weeping of cut grass. It’s the choice to turn habitats, breeding grounds, food stores and life cycles into unending “blank canvas”. An odd form of oppression from a race that treats its own deafness as evidence for its victim’s muteness.

In short: Lawnmowers rock. Lawnstrimmers suck. The closer something becomes to symbolising perfect order the closer it comes to being dead.

/end rant

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Tameson permalink
    April 27, 2010 4:28 pm

    I am with you on leaving scrubby bits around your trees and I dislike lawn strimmers for their typical use of making tings overly tidy. However lawn strimmers are absolutely the bomb for making mulch. Being a no-till gardener I cannot get enough mulch. Enter lawn strimmers and metal trash cans. If you take a load of leaves and put them in a metal trash can and run your strimmer up and down in the trash can of leaves you will chop them to little bits rather like using a hand blender in a glass to make a smoothie. (It’s also very effective to make mulch by use of a lawn mover and a very large sheet of plywood but the strimmer method is more contained.

    • April 27, 2010 4:39 pm

      Once again, I am taught the error of hasty judgement. That’s really interesting Tameson. I love mulching! It’s one step away from making mud pies.

      I may get out our strimmer come autumn. We and it could still be friends.

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